Reader submission: Dracula-themed short film in the spirit of the holidays

I always like it when somebody sends me their own work, and it doesn't happen nearly enough.

whimperwarrior@gmail.com is where you can contact me with your music, films, art, etc.

Here's an interesting little short film I was sent earlier in the week, just in time for All Hallow's Eve. 'Danse Macabre' comes from Chicago indie filmmaker Derek Quint and his Addovolt Productions. It fits right in with the movies I usually post here, as it's intentionally designed to have that timeless, b-movie look. My guess would be 16mm film, but it could be digital post-effects. Either way, it has that cool look to it, and aside from a few modern-looking people in a crowd shot, it definitely succeeds in feeling out-of-time.

The plot consists of Dracula and his brides riding around in a limo on Halloween. When they stop for the girls to buy some jewelry, Dracula is kidnapped by some Vatican officials who plan to do away with him for good. Interestingly, the director chose to have the vampire characters ACTUALLY speak in Transylvanian, and the Vatican officials speak in Italian.

I won't give away the rest of the plot, but the mood definitely trumps everything else in importance. It feels like a less-disgusting John Waters short film, with the gaudy costumes and big ideas put on bargain-quality film. There is a choice moment where a guy on the subway is looking at the cast members, and you can tell it was unintentional.

I'm not up on my Dracula mythology, but the fact that Mr. Quint chose to use the Transylvanian language tells me there are probably other allusions to other vampire-based works here as well. Regardless, it's a fun little piece of independent filmmaking from some fellow b-movie aficionados.



Check out Derek's blog for Addovolt Productions here.

New blog

I started a new blog, exclusively for my movie reviews. I will probably be posting more frequently in it than I do here:

Obscuro Films

Outsider cinema, vol. 2 - 'Hawk Jones'

First off, this post does NOT include a download link for the movie, BUT, it is extremely affordable from the creator's website, and I'd encourage all of you to support them.

This is one of the most bizarre things to come out of the 1980's VHS era that I've ever seen. We will start off with a quote from the director's website:

"Hawk Jones was the brainchild of Tor Lowry.  Tor got the idea for Hawk Jones when he saw a Bill Cosby Jello commercial in which all the kids were dressed as adults.  Tor thought that would make for an interesting movie to have an all child cast and his brother, Rico, agreed.  "

Yep. The only film I'm aware of with an all-children cast...but it's also not FOR children.

The plot is not very good, and the script isn't either...it's your basic thriller/crime caper with 40's film noir references. Obviously, though, that doesn't matter, because it's ALL CHILDREN.

So, it's an hour and a half of kids smoking cigars, driving cars, shooting each other up (yes, there is blood), hanging out at bars, and talking like 1940's adults ('The streets are no place for dames!'). All of which makes for an incredible viewing experience.

One review I read claimed that this is the type of film you couldn't get away with making in modern times, which is definitely true. I'm surprised that they found a whole cast of children whose parents were cool with this back in '86 or whatever. I mean, some of it is borderline creepy. Judging by the info on the director's website, they did have trouble finding a distributor, even in the anything-goes VHS era.

What's weirder is that it's actually well done...it does look to be shot-on-video, but the editing is flawless, and all the sets are well-decorated. My guess is that an extremely wealthy person did this, and had enough sense to hire people for production than do it himself. Somehow, he also found some pretty decent child actors...I mean, a few of them are REALLY good for how old they are.

Here are a few highlights:

-A kid hitman named 'The Eliminator' who wears some bizarre homemade sunglasses and a golfer hat.

-A lengthy, awkward scene where two kids 'make eyes' at each other.

-Multiple kid gangsters with drawn-on facial hair who keep asking their boss 'want me to waste him??'

-The music, which is gloriously 80's but also would be more appropriate for an early Olsen twins film or something.

-A kid playing an old man, complete with a walker and grey wig.

Yeah, it's great. I also wonder if any of these kids went on to become 'real' actors?

Outsider cinema, vol. 1 - 'Double Down'

It's been brought to my attention that some of you may be interested in this film...I uploaded it to share with a couple of interested parties on the RateYourMusic website, but the fact that people are asking about it means it's pretty damn hard to find...

I'm hoping that director Neil Breen doesn't sue the shit out of me, or get my Mediafire account taken down, but we will see. I don't necessarily feel bad about posting it, as Mr. Breen sort of condemns his films to obscurity each time he makes a new one. I even contacted him a while back about his second feature, 'I Am Here....Now' and he told me he wasn't making anymore copies. This one (his first film) is even harder to come by.

So, basically, this is 'outsider' cinema...made by a fairly successful real estate agent (the realty king of Las Vegas) who uses his earnings to make b-movies that he writes, directs, and stars in (and even does some of the music for, I think.) Which, if you know anything about film, means there is a LOT of room for things to go wrong...lots of situations where nobody else gives input or says 'maybe you shouldn't put that in your movie.' Fans of Tommy Wiseau's 'The Room' and 'Troll 2' would definitely be into his stuff. I'd wager that Breen creates even WEIRDER films...

Whereas Mr. Breen's two more recent movies are kinda sci-fi action, his first is mainly an action/thriller (I guess?!) with a LITTLE bit of fantasy thrown in for good measure.

Oh yeah, before I go any further, just in case Neil stumbles across this post...I have NOTHING negative to say about this movie. I will probably watch it over and over. Yes, it's basically a how-to on making a movie completely wrong, but that doesn't matter. It's pure entertainment, and it's also demented as hell.

The 'plot' concerns a genius computer hacker (who seems to not really know anything about computer) who is trying to save the world with his skillz, after years of working for anybody who will pay. It's unclear what he really does, but he spends a lot of time waking up halfway in his car in the desert (seriously, this happens about 10 times, and it's all different shots, so I'm not really sure if it's supposed to be a flashback or what) and dicking around with a whole bunch of laptops that never seem to be on. Most of the film is actually just that...the hacker (played by Breen) driving around Las Vegas with a car full of laptops.

Everything is held together by a voiceover explaining the story, that disappears halfway through for seemingly no reason...then reappears towards the end. Oh yeah, and somewhere along the way, the main character realizes he has the ability to cure cancer with his mind(!)

EVERYTHING you could want to go wrong most certainly does, from head-shaking music cues, to bizarre dialog, to the distinctly skewed worldview the film creates. And it's all completely awesome.

GET IT. Now, before the feds come for me...

HERE
HERE
HERE
and HERE

Also, if YOU somehow have a copy of 'I Am Here....Now'...help me out?

Films 15 - Bizarro Jerry's trip thru vintage anime OVAs part 1

Haven't done a movie post in a while because I got stuck on weirdo sci-fi anime, which I've never really posted up here. So, if you're into that, here are some of the things I was watching.

'Baoh the Caller' - 1989

This one stuck out as rather strange. Sure, the plot is kinda similar to a lot of other 80's OVAs (people given weird powers by the government/military/corporate giant) but it's done fairly well and it's cheesy in all the right spots. There are also a whole heap of bizarre, unexplained things happening, and a lot of head-exploding goodness. If you haven't seen much anime but want to give this stuff a try (believe me, it's NOTHING like the streamlined shit Adult Swim puts out) this is a pretty good place to start.

'Darkside Blues' - 1994

This isn't like anything else I've seen, really. It is very stylish, and a lot more mysterious/suspenseful than most sci-fi animes. It's definitely not all blood, guts and robots. In fact, the only 'robot' in it turns out to be a regular guy. There is also a demented homeless blues musician, alternate-universe storylines, and a shit ton of surreal imagery. The opening scene is a little graphic, but don't worry, this one is much more tame than some of the stuff out there. It's also by the creator of 'Vampire Hunter D,' so you know it's classy.

'California Crisis' - 1986

I don't know why, but I really like Japan's take on 1980's American pop culture. It's so flawed and insane. They must've thought we did nothing but dance and eat cheeseburgers, and that's pretty much what happens here. This isn't a bloody one, or an 'artistic' film. It's just non-stop 80's action and super-stylish animation. I don't think I've seen anything MORE 80's than this. From what I remember, some guy and girl come into possession of some weird orb and get chased by gangsters for it. It's only 40 minutes, so the generic storytelling doesn't get boring.

'Cyber City Oedo 808' - 1990

This is pretty much the epitome of splat-fi cyberpunk anime. I liked it a lot better than more well-known stuff like 'Appleseed' and 'A.D. Police File,' and while a lot of anime fans seem to hate on English dubs, this one is fucking demented. So much unnecessary swearing! Plus, it's graphically violent, overflowing with creativity, and every one of the three episodes has ex-cons being mean to a C3P0-esque robot.

'Take the X Train' -  1987

When it opened with a dedication to Duke Ellington, I wasn't sure what to expect. But, indeed, this is a jazzy little OVA. It's more like an art-picture than some of the stuff I've posted here, and my only complaint was that the dialog was a little too fast to watch it with subtitles. Unfortunately, there is not an English dub, but oh well. It's an interesting (and also not especially violent or disturbing) story about a guy who works for a railway company that is trying to capture a ghost train. He has some kind of a link with the train, and his nose starts bleeding whenever it comes by. It just gets weirder from there. A lot of stuff happens for no reason. But, if you're into experimental filmmaking, this is worth checking out for sure.

...hopefully I will find time to post a LOT more because I watched like way too many of these things.

Films 14 - October part 2

Alright, a week later and I've watched like 20 more movies, so here are some reviews. These are, of course, low-budget horror films in the spirit of the season.

'Twisted Issues' - 1988

This might be THE coolest punk film of all time. And that's coming from someone who grew up on shit like 'Repo Man' and 'Suburbia' (the cool one, not the shitty 90's one.) Yes, it's shot-on-video, and uses members of the Gainesville, FL punk scene as actors, but if those aren't immediate turnoffs for you, then you should definitely check this out. What started as a documentary on Florida punk turned into a splatter-film involving a power struggle between two bizarre godlike characters (one who spends his time watching TV and taking turns with his girlfriend at murdering each other), a resurrected straight-edge skater, and plenty of stoned and drunk debauchery. It's much more intelligent than your average SOV flick, and a hell of a lot more fun, too. And, it's got a GREAT soundtrack of mid-80's Gainesville punk. Look out for the 'butt people.' You'll see what I mean. Oh yeah, get it from director Charles Pinion himself because he's a swell dude.

'The Bloody Video Horror That Made Me Puke On My Aunt Gertrude' - 1989

Yes, that's the real title of those messy SOV flick. And, as most other reviews will tell you, it's not really all that bloody, and it's just barely a horror film. It's got awful production values and REALLY bad acting, but that's not a reason to avoid it. In my opinion, this is is the movie 'Clerks' would have been if Randall had written and directed it instead of Kevin Smith. It concerns a snarky, lazy video store employee who rents out some equipment to a weird middle-eastern guy who uses it to make a snuff film. Then, for some reason, he accidentally leaves his video in the recorder. To cover his tracks, he kills the young man's boss. Said boss had trouble with the mob, so the video store guy assumes it's the mob who killed his boss, so HE kills a mob guy. There are some ridiculous plot twists I won't give away, but suffice to say most of the film consists of the lazy dude saying mean shit to his boss and being a dick to customers. Whatever the case, from the typed cast list at the beginning to the half-assed ending, this is a film that really doesn't care if you like it or not. I love stuff like this, because when else but the 80's could movies like this end up on the shelves of video stores? It's about an hour-ten, and I didn't feel like I totally wasted a night by watching it. In fact, I'll probably watch it again. Oh yeah, the director also did that awful 'Vampiyaz' movie that Something Awful made fun of a while back. The more you know.

'Things' - 1989

This is what happens when drunk, stoned and demented backwoods Canadian dudes make a splatter-horror film. It has nothing to do with the 'real' world, and makes about as much sense as 'Eraserhead,' but with a room of friends, you can't go wrong with this one. So, you've got a couple guys from 'New York' (yeah, sure) who visit one of their brothers in backwoods Canada. His wife is pregnant, so they need to be quiet, which doesn't really make sense because it seems like they are visiting for a weekend of beer-drinking and partying. Then, she gives birth to some weird insect creatures (which subsequently kill her) and all hell breaks loose. Well, kind of. See, none of the characters really appear to give a shit about this, and they continue to drink, say weird things, make sandwiches, and play tricks on each other the whole time. One guy disappears 'into the 4th dimension' but is back later for no reason. Another guy gets killed at least a few times, but is unphased by it. And, the whole thing is scored with some seriously weird synth music. Yeah. It's fucked. Definitely one of the strangest things I've ever seen, and perfect if you want a horror movie but don't want to deal with all the gore, because it's really not that bad. It's also the first straight-to-video horror flick to come out of Canada, which the director seems REALLY proud of.

'Alien Dead' - 1980

Early effort from trash-god Fred Olen Ray, who also did 'Scalps.'  and like a million other trashy horror flicks. Unfortunately, this one isn't nearly as weird or well-done as 'Scalps,' and it was actually pretty boring. I fell asleep and didn't catch the ending. Oh well. From what I remember, it has to do with some rednecks huntin' gators and instead finding some weird radioactive aliens who kill them. That's about it. There are lots of better films with similar plots, but if you're a fan of Ray's work, it's worth checking out.

'Slaughterhouse' - 1987

One of my all-time favorite slashers. This film scared the shit out of me when I was ten, but now it's just kinda silly in the way that 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2' is. In fact, it's pretty similar to that film thematically, though not as funny and original. It's about a fat, mentally handicapped guy named Buddy whose dad runs a failing slaughterhouse. While his dad wants to keep things 'old-fashioned,' some slaughterhouse corporate fatcats (I guess there's probably such a thing...?) are trying to buy him out and turn it into a 'modern' slaughterhouse. Or something like that. The dad foolishly gives Buddy a giant butcher knife for his birthday (oh, dad!) and Buddy proceeds to kill all his dad's enemies, and any teenagers that get in his way (and there are plenty.) A good-time, down-home slasher for ya if you've watched things like 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' and 'Friday the 13th' too many times.

'Terror Toons' - 2002

Okay, finally into some more 'recent' stuff I guess. I tend to only watch older stuff, so I steered clear of this one for a while (especially since it's a no-budget horror film about evil puppets) but oh man was I wrong to do so. This is one of the most original trash-flicks I've seen in a long time, and director Joe Castro does incredibly with the little he has. The story is pretty simple...a girl's parents are gone for the weekend, so she watches a cartoon video while her sister parties with dudes. The cartoons come out of the TV and kill them all. Hilarity ensues. And yes, this is a hilarious film, and intentionally so. It's also very weird and colorful, and has been described as a bizarro-world version of a Tex Avery cartoon (live-action style, that is.) It's got lots of old-school computer animation and off-color jokes. It reminds me of something Charles Band would cook up, if he was smoking PCP nonstop.alien d

Films 13 - October part 1

Welllll, it's that time of the year again, and these posts seem to be the most popular, so here's a few more oddball horror flicks to watch around Halloween-time. I might throw together another 'sounds of fall' list too, so look out for that, I guess. Or don't.

'Killing Spree' - 1987

In the 9th 'films' post, I reviewed a flick called 'Truth or Dare?: A Critical Madness.' It was an odd mess of a slasher flick made by Tim Ritter and featured a guy getting into increasingly violent games of truth or dare with everyone he meets. Ritter apparently has SEVERAL similar films, and all of them seem equally entertaining. There are about 5 sequels to the 'Truth or Dare' movie as well. Unfortunately, the only other one of his movies I could track down was this 1987 low-budget oddity. Well, not 'unfortunately' really because it's completely awesome. If anything, it's weirder and more disjointed than 'Truth or Dare,' but with a slightly lower budget. He kinda promotes these monsters like they're 'regular' slasher flicks, which I don't understand how anyone could fall for...I mean, everything is just so WRONG. It's similar in plot to 'Truth or Dare,' in that a guy catches his wife cheating and goes ape shit. However, he doesn't 'really' catch her cheating because he just keeps finding her diary. Then he kills all of her supposed lovers, and punches out a few random beach bums for no reason. Woops, turns out she was just writing steamy romance stories(!). So, keep in mind it's a fairly 'reality'-based slasher...no supernatural elements...until all the dead people randomly come back to life halfway through. Yeah. It's nuts. See it at once. Don't worry, I didn't ruin the plot for you, because it's completely see-through the whole time. But yeah, this one's totally great.

'Dead Ringers' - 1988

Here's a Cronenberg flick for ya. I never saw this one back in the day. Don't know why, because I've always loved 'Videodrome' and 'Scanners.' Just got lost in the shuffle. Anyways, it's pretty good. Not the best he's done. Kinda slow and boring in parts, but it's an interesting story. I guess it's more of a 'psychological drama' than a true horror film, but it's got some pretty terrifying parts. Two twin brothers share lives until an actress chick gets in the way and one falls in love with her. Then, one gets strung out on drugs while the other one gets more successful. Then he also gets strung out on drugs because why not? They're also gynecologists, but it's not a super-gross film or anything. That might've been what put me off this one initially, knowing Cronenberg's tendency for splatter. It's pretty tame by his standards. Probably won't watch it again. Oh well. He still rules.

'Demon City Shinjuku' - 1988

Never really thought of putting an anime horror in one of these lists, so here's the first. This is a slow-burning, menacing flick. Kind of a 'traditional' anime-horror plot...city is possessed by evil, one guy has to stop it, turns out it's family-related. But, it's particularly well-done, and it's got some real imaginative animation.

'Eyes of Fire' - 1983

This is one of the most interesting 'gothic' horror flicks I've ever seen. It's got a pretty low budget, too, but you really can't tell. It plays like a cross between a slightly less surreal 'El Topo' and 'Salem's Lot.' It's a pre-revolution era story about some colonist folks who live in a super-puritanical village in the south. The town preacher is sleeping with some lady who he's giving a home to while her husband is out exploring, and the rest of the town doesn't play that shit, so they try to hang him. He's got a mute supernatural girl on his side, though, and she helps him out. Then, they all decide to leave the town so they don't get killed. They end up in a weird abandoned town out in the woods which the preacher says is 'perfectly alright' to stay in. It's not, however, and some evil spirits who live inside trees start messing with them. Acid-weirdness ensues. I'd say watch this one alone. It's actually pretty frightening, and has a lot of cool visuals, mostly thanks to the director's photography experience. He did that one Tragically Hip album cover with the dog on it. This one's really good, definitely need to re-watch it a few times.

...that's it for now...I'll put some more up once I watch more movies.

Films 12 - another helping of summer mindmelt cinema

Well, it's pretty much the hottest part of the summer, so here are some more movie reviews to watch in an air-conditioned room. Or you know, a cabin in the woods that's 'off the grid,' whatever the hell your setup is. Enjoy.

'Roller Blade' - 1986

Here's another example of a film failing on so many levels that it becomes a surreal kind of masterpiece. It's also one of many, many films that aped 'Mad Max' in the mid-80's. Apparently EVERYONE thought the future would be a desolate, nuclear-damaged desert with roving bands of freaks. Huh. Well, this time around, everybody's on roller skates. Not blades, mind you, because that would make sense. There ARE a lot of switchblades, but whatever. Basically, some nuns get their power crystal stolen by the bad guys, and they skate around trying to get it back. But, there's so much more than that. This is prime 1980's trash-culture surrealism at its finest. NOTHING in the film makes sense, and it almost reaches 'Samurai Cop' levels of greatness. The best part is actually not really related to the film. The director, Donald Jackson, along with martial arts master/writer/director/actor Scott Shaw, made about 60 movies using their 'zen' technique of filmmaking, which means they don't use a script. Yes, that's right. So, you've got b-list action celebrities like Frank Stallone improvising ridiculous action and sci fi movies with a handheld camera. I CANNOT recommend their stuff enough. Unfortunately, you have to pay for it, but it's worth it. (Scroll down till you start seeing titles like 'Max Hell, Frog Warrior') They've also done about seven post-apocalyptic rollerskating films, NONE of which was a real 'sequel' to this one.

'Evil in the Woods' - 1986

Apparently 1986 was a GREAT year for cinema. This one honestly has more subplots than a Paul Thomas Anderson flick. I dunno what the deal is, but shit seems pretty homemade. It's also 'knowingly' bad. I say 'knowingly' because there are a lot of 'jokes' about what's going on in the film, but the 'jokes' aren't 'funny,' meaning it's supposed to be knowingly bad but it's actually even stupider than it thinks it is. Or something like that. It was entertaining, though, and any film where the narration is a little kid reading stories in a book is usually good for a laugh. Especially when the directors forget to use that narration more than like, 2 times, making it irrelevant. A real 'what the fuck' experience.

'Max Hell Frog Warrior' - 2002

Again, it ain't free, but 2 bucks isn't a bad price to stream some of the greatest improv-sci-fi flicks ever made. I forgot to mention that Donald Jackson of 'Roller Blade' fame ALSO did the cult classic 'Hell Comes to Frogtown' before goin' off the deep end and doing the 'zen filmmaking' thing with Scott Shaw. Needless to say, he and Shaw did about 50 frog-mutant-related movies too. This one 'follows' a flick called 'Toad Warrior' (interesting acknowledgement of the 'Mad Max vibes these dudes put off) but I don't think it's really necessary that you watch them in order. It's just barely an hour long too, so there's that. It was pretty silly, but I'd probably watch it again. Unfortunately, Amazon isn't carrying what looks to be the best Scott Shaw film, 'Rock 'N Roll Cops.' They also don't have the Sun City Girls-scored 'Guns of El Chupacabra,' How he came to work with them is beyond me, but it's awesome nonetheless.

'The Executioner 2' - 1984

Ah, the 80's. Nowadays people pretty much watch whatever the advertisers cram down their throats, but back then, you had to TRICK somebody into watching your crappy film. Whereas a company like Troma made ridiculously unrelated posters which made their sub-basement productions look like goddamn 'Animal House,' some shadier producers would just lie outright. See, there IS no 'Executioner.' There is, however, a 'Terminator' and an 'Exterminator,' and one can only guess that these folks wanted to draw in the mostly-illiterate crowd. I mean, I GUESS that's legit. If you're too stupid to read a movie box, you probably deserve to see films like this. It's actually quite entertaining, too. Kind of like 'Rambo' on PCP or something. It's a crazy Vietnam veteran taking the law into his own hands in over-the-top violent ways, so yeah, a lot like 'Rambo.' But better, and definitely crazier. Worth your time, I'd say.

Films 11 - more weirdness for summer

Been diggin' in the archives again for some odd flicks....found plenty of 'em. If you need some drunk flixxx for summertime, look no further. I'm puttin' up links again, so you don't have to even hunt 'em out.

'Samurai Cop' - 1989

This is it. This is the ULTIMATE bad movie. Forget your 'Room' or your 'Plan 9' or even your 'Troll 2.' This takes the cake. What's more, it's kind of like a weird amalgam of all those films. The acting is awful, the dialog is terrible to the point of being bizarre, the storyline is more convoluted than a head shop employee's urine, and it's pure fucking 80's. Basically, you've got a cop who's been brought in to fight some gangsters. He's the best of the best, and he's also a Samurai warrior who 'speaks fluent Japanese.' However, he doesn't really do any police work and spends most of his time getting laid while his 'friends' get shot, stabbed, and burned. He's STILL supposed to be the hero despite this, and despite his awful dialog which makes him sound like a total asshole. Throw in a complete lack of understanding of Japanese culture, and a writer/director who probably doesn't speak English too well, and you've got a classic film. I also read somewhere that Iranian filmmaker Amir Shervan would often neglect to get permits, and one time was arrested for going 100 in a residential area with a rented stunt cop car. Upon being arrested, he threatened to  burn the police officers' houses down and kill their families. Yeah. See this at ONCE. Dude's got two other English flicks, and they both sound promising.

'For Y'ur Height Only' - 1981

I posted this a week or so ago, but for the record, it's a Filipino parody of the James Bond flicks starring a midget named Weng Weng as 'Agent 00.' The only thing is, it's not all that funny....sure, it's got some jokes, but no more than a regular Bond film. It's more like a straight tribute to Bond with a midget instead. Okay....That being said, I liked it a lot more than most 80's Bond flicks I've seen, and it was totally entertaining. Not badly made, either, just unusual. The Filipino people apparently aren't too proud of this film, as it was the ONLY thing that drew any attention from a Filipino film festival organized by the First Lady.

'Scalps' - 1983

I can't do much better than this review from RateYourMusic user Cinematery:

"This is one of those movies that is so bad that it transcends all preconceived notions of what good and bad is to deliver a truly surreal experience. And it's been a favorite of mine for a long time. To put it frankly, "Scalps" is amazing. An ancient demon runs around in blue jeans and tennis shoes (before anyone is possessed). Superimposed monster masks appear out of thin air and spout mumbo jumbo. A mysterious cat/man creature appears at random times and is never explained. It's pitch black night and broad daylight in the same scenes. The music is often eerie and oddly hypnotic, but very strange in some ways I can't quite put my finger on. Most of the kills are shown immediately at the beginning for no reason at all. There are long stretches where nothing happens, yet they somehow feel like those dreams you have that are nightmares in tone, despite nothing too nightmarish really happening. Of course, there are other scenes where plenty happens: rape, splattery deaths, and whatnot. This movie has one of the most hysterical (yet realistic-looking) decapitations I've ever seen. In summation, unless you're put to sleep by it and hate bad movies on principle, "Scalps" has quite a bit to offer for the trash connosseiur or even the good-humored surrealist."

'Miami Connection' - 1986

Another film that, while not quite as entertaining as 'Samurai Cop,' is pure undiluted 80's entertainment. This is like 'Karate Kid,' 'Miami Vice,' and some shitty afterschool special all rolled into one. According to my friend, it was also the basis for a pretty good video game. So, then....you've got your good and evil gangs. The good gang is pretty puke...they're an awful synth-rock band who does Tae-Kwon-Do and is more fucking ethnically diverse than the Magic School Bus. The bad gang is pretty lame too, but you still don't mind seeing them kick the synth kids' asses. Also, there's a third gang, kind of...ANOTHER synth rock group who writes shitty 'bad guy' songs about cocaine, and get their gig at a bar stolen by the good guys. They're pretty much pissed at everybody. Apparently, the director/actor (you KNOW it's gonna be fucked when you see that...) did this film, and nothing else ever. Good deal. It's also currently on Netflix, if you swing that way.

...more to come...

...had to post this...

So, this is a real thing:




...and it's on Youtube in 6 parts, so you should probably watch it. I wouldn't really call it a 'parody' even though everyone seems to describe it as such...it's actually better and more action-packed than most of the older James Bond films I've seen...plus the dude slides everywhere. You'll know what I mean if you watch it. Do it. NOW.

Films 10 - mindfuck flicks for summer...

Alriiiiiiggghhhhtt,,,,

I sifted through some more garbage to find y'all the coolest underground low-budget shit I can muster.

...with LINKS this time:

'Tuesday Never Comes' - 1993

Surrealist 'Scarface'-esque drug kingpin story from writer/director/actor Jason Holt who made this ridiculous film I've yet to see. Troma re-released this flick, so that should let ya know it's quality. In fact, the sleazy vibe this dude conjures up is much more natural than most of Troma's sleaze. I dunno, I always felt like 'Scarface' was way too big-budget to be as seedy as it was trying to be, so this is like a much more accurate version of 'coked-out nightmare.' Holt himself plays an Irish former priest who's looking to get revenge on the mob for not paying him. The mob is mostly Erik Estrada who smokes crack and makes crazy faces throughout. By the time Holt's character is smoking crack in the sewer and chilling with rats, you know this thing's gone off the deep end. Weird stuff. Like Holt says, be careful if yer gonna watch it alone, because it IS a head trip. Holt also apparently had a musical alter-ego in the 70's called 'Daniel,' whose lone album is pretty high-up on collector's lists. You can hear some of the tracks here, which features Holt singing and playing an amplified cello(!) Oh yeah, if you have a link for 'Desperation Rising,' PLEASE share it with me, I'd love to see this thing...

'Death Warmed Up (aka Death Warmed Over)' - 1984

Supposedly the first horror flick out of New Zealand which, if you're familiar with the work of Peter Jackson,  should indicate that this is nutzoid. In fact, I don't think I've seen a more dreamlike film. Right from the first scene of the main character running feverishly through a hospital (never explained) this shit just drops you in its own world and doesn't let up. Basically, you've got a punkish guy who gets experimented on by an evil doctor...he then (under the doctor's mind control) kills his parents and goes to the psych ward. When he gets out, obviously the first thing he wants to do is fuck the doctor's shit up, so he brings some friends (who don't know the story) on a 'weekend getaway' to the doctor's private island dealie. However, the doctor's evil biker zombies (you read that right) are messing things up and the revenge plot gets left behind until the VERY end and it's mostly just people trying to survive the biker maniacs. None of this is explicitly laid out, though. It's all gathered through weird, surreal sequences that left me more confused than scared. It's kind of like someone SERIOUSLY mentally disturbed tried to make a 'regular' horror flick, and this is what came out. Oh yeah, it's deadly serious too, despite the plot. A unique film experience.

'The Abomination' - 1986

Rural Texas trash made all the creepier by the backwoods vibe of the filmmakers. Upon describing this film to a friend, he said it sounded like 'redneck Cronenberg' and this is pretty accurate. For the probably 7 dollar budget, the effects in this film are pretty outstanding. A guy who lives with his mom gets taken over by an evil tumor she coughs up, but he doesn't think much of it and starts hiding his own coughed-up tumors around the house. The tumors take over and turn into monsters with giant teeth, then he kills his friends to feed the monster because that's apparently what he's supposed to do. Oh yeah, and the first 10 minutes of this film are more like a trailer than anything, giving away ALL the gore...I guess it's supposed to be like the guy is telling a psychiatrist about the whole thing, and it may or may not have really happened...he might just be a murderer with no good reason. Whatever the case, if ya liked 'Videodrome' but wish it made even LESS sense and was created by some farmer instead, you'll love this shit.

'Arise! The SubGenius Video' - 1992

I didn't know much about the Church of the SubGenius before seeing this, but it didn't really matter. What you get is a proto-Tim and Eric video collage made by some pranksters who started a fake religion. Members include Mark Mothersbaugh (who does much of the soundtrack), Robert Anton Wilson and Paul Reubens. This is supposed to be a 'recruitment' tape for potential converts, but it plays more like a Mr. Show sketch. If you have a fairly dark sense of humor, you'll get a kick out of this weird thing. I won't give much else away, but the SubGenius Rap is pretty amazing.

'Toxic Crusaders: The Movie' - 1997

Basically the entire 'Toxic Crusaders' TV series cut down to movie length. If you've seen the show, you don't really need to see this, but if you haven't, watch this instead...it's much more bearable. If you're completely unfamiliar with this, it's the kid's cartoon based on Troma's Toxic Avenger series. Let that sink in for a second....it's a KID'S version of a film that features a headcrushing radioactive monster, created by a studio known for making the sleaziest trash around. Fuck, I even had action figures of this thing when I was a kid...I had no idea. More or less, it's 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' only dumber and with more environmental messages. If you're a fan of Kaufman and Troma, you NEED to see this. It's great.

'Drunken Wu Tang' - 1984

Absurd Kung Fu film that plays like it should be a cartoon. A ridiculous, drunken master has to fight some evil guys and make it through all these traps they set up, including the 'Watermelon Monster,' an annoying-voiced puppet. He also drives around in a tiny car that looks like a rat or something. The whole thing is pretty great. If you like the surreal nature of low-budget Kung Fu flicks, this one will be yer new favorite thing.

...alright, that's it for now.

Films 9 - More Low Budget Nitemares

Okay...after spending a whole shit-ton of time this week watching bargain-bin flicks, I've got some more to review.

'The Jar' - 1984

Don't know much about this, other than it is VERY weird. In an Amazon comment, the main 'actor' talks about how low-budget the project was, and apologizes for his acting. I dunno, it wasn't really that bad...a lot of lists seem to cite this as one of the worst horror movies of all time, and I guess if you go into it expecting a 'horror' movie that's probably true. It IS a very good surrealist piece, though, and I don't think the surrealism is completely unintentional. Sure, the acting is a little wooden, but (and I hate to keep going back to this, but it's true) so is the acting in MOST David Lynch films, because it's not really 'about' the acting. Basically, a guy comes into possession of a jar that contains some weird, possibly alien being. It starts fucking with his mind, and days start and stop at random...he'll end up someplace different for no reason, and it's not clear what's a dream and what's not. It also doesn't really end. It's apparently not shot on VHS like I thought, but whatever the low quality film stock is, it amps up the menace for sure. I can't recommend this enough for fans of surrealism and creepy low-budget oddities. Probably going to be watching this one a lot more...

'Truth or Dare?: A Critical Madness' - 1986

This one is also fairly weird. It seems like it's supposed to be a 'regular' kinda slasher film, but is just a big oddball mess. Not as low-budget as you might think, but there are some very strange editing/story decisions that don't really make sense in terms of filmmaking. It kind of just follows this guy along as he goes crazy from finding his wife cheating on him...he keeps doing ridiculous shit, then getting put in the psych ward (it happens like 3 times) then he gets out and inevitably plays 'truth or dare' with someone...usually imaginary. The 'dares' include things like popping out eyes and cutting arms off...shit like that. I heard this described as a 'fever dream' and that's kind of fitting. The score music comes in at the wrong time often, and stops for no reason, and there's really not a point to the film...it just kinda keeps going and going...aside from about 20 minutes of being way too slow, it was pretty entertaining.

'The Dark Planet' - 1989

This one's so underground it's not even on RateYourMusic...impressive...apparently the work of Richard Corben, who had a lot to do with the 'Heavy Metal' film and the 70's comic book it was based on. I don't remember the film too well, but his segment was called 'Den.' The review I read for this was basically perfect...you almost don't believe the guy worked on such a cool thing as 'Heavy Metal' upon seeing this...it's VERY poorly done. I don't think there's anybody involved but him and maybe one or two other people.  A lot of the film is amateurish clayamation and puppet-work, and if there's a live actor, it's usually just one on the screen at a time. I guess the structure is pretty similar to 'Heavy Metal,' as it's an incomprehensible mess of 'segments' only held together because they occur on the same imaginary planet and involve the same ancient artifact. I really don't know what to say about this...it's definitely artistic, but it's pretty much a failure, but it's still kinda cool...even though I couldn't even begin to tell you what it's about.

'Woodchipper Massacre' - 1988

Possibly the most zero-budget film I've ever seen...maybe even moreso than 'Quadead Zone.' Basically a young dude (probably 19?) and his family making a shot-on-video flick about a crazy aunt who accidentally gets killed by her nephew while babysitting. Since they have a woodchipper rented for the weekend, the kids decide to just chop her up, but they have to freeze her first because apparently woodchippers don't work for 'wet stuff.' Then they kill her son because he's an asshole and why not? For a 'splatter' flick, it's not very violent, and it reminded me more of an afterschool special or 'Full House' or something. Lots of fun if you have 80 minutes to kill. Writer/director/actor Jon McBride seems to have made some other, gorier flicks that I'll have to check out. This one, like 'Quadead' also seems to be scored on a cheap Casio keyboard. Cool.

'Rubber' - 2010

Pretty decent for a 'newer' flick...which I don't usually like. Aside from the whole 'oh my god, can you BELIEVE we MADE this movie?!' attitude throughout, it was fairly enjoyable. Yes, it's about a tire that blows up animals and people for no reason, but no, it's not a 'retro'-style B-movie. It's more of an art-project kinda thing...about how strange of a concept the film actually is. It makes some good points in that respect, but it's VERY heavy-handed. I dunno, it might have been better if they'd gone for a more retro vibe. As it is, I probably won't re-watch it anytime soon, but I don't regret the 90 minutes I spent on it.

'Big Money Hustlas' - 2000

Yup. The Insane Clown Posse's first movie. I remember being fairly impressed by this in high school (and I hated them then) so I re-watched it. Hilarious. If you hate ICP, watch this, because you will look at them in a totally different light. Yes, it's cheesy, low budget, stupid, gross and foul, but so are the blaxploitation films they're parodying, and they do a much less pretentious version than say, Quentin Tarantino (who I DO still hate). I mean, they even got Rudy Ray Moore to be in it....as well as The Misfits and fucking Harland Williams. Definitely the hardest I've laughed in a while, and it shows that ICP might be loud and obnoxious, but they're NOT stupid. They totally know what they're doing, and the fact that Violent J supposedly wrote this film in like 2 weeks is incredible. Harland Williams, of course, steals the show, in possibly my favorite role from him as officer Harry Cox.

Films 8 - Low Budget Nitemares

Yesssss time to review some more films. I've been watching scores of shitty movies recently, and now you will benefit from that.

For some reason, ever since I was a kid, I've always loved the look of those homemade VHS releases you would find at mom-and-pop video stores. What you might call 'low-budget,' I would call 'minimalist.' I've never been one to fault someone's art because they didn't invest enough money in it. BUT, despite my love of the older stuff, public access TV has reopened my eyes to the world of shitty NEW cinema. Apparently, lots of oddball one-man projects are getting made in the West Michigan area these days...

So...

'Weasels Rip My Flesh' - 1979

Usually, you expect a horror film shot by a 16 year old on 8mm to be horrible. And, while Nathan Schiff's work gets written off as 'z-grade' a lot of times, there's quite a bit of cinematic merit in this flick. I mean, it's not just some bizarro outsider project that's weird because it was made by weird people. There's something else going on here. Dude know how to work with his 90 dollar (!) budget, and the score is fucking terrifying. Plus, considering what I've heard about his third film 'Vermillion Eyes' (un-findable ANYWHERE, if you have this please GET AT ME) homeboy was more about David Lynch than Ed Wood. Yes, the acting is bad, but it's his friends so what do you expect? The first thing I noticed was that the writer/producer/director/etc DIDN'T act in his own movie, which is a rarity, and seems pretty mature for a 16-year-old filmmaker. Yes, it's about some kids who dump nuclear waste on a weasel and make it radioactive, but that's beside the point. I liked it.

'Tales from the Quadead Zone' - 1987

The first of two films by Chester Novell Turner I watched this week. Call me uncultured, but I love a movie that just breaks the hour mark. That's the sign of a responsible low-budget filmmaker. Somehow this 'Tales from the Crypt'-styled flick ended up being only 62 minutes, but that's fine by me. Like I said before, I won't fault anybody for not having enough money to make a flashy picture. Obviously, if you do that, then you have to discredit awesome things like 'Eraserhead.' This dude VERY obviously shot the whole film on a cheap VHS camera and--get this--scored it with one of those cheap Casio keyboards. No, it doesn't just sound like that, it clearly IS that. I should basically be able to tell you that this movie features a fat redneck guy murdering his family so he can eat their sandwiches, and a guy who takes revenge on his dead brother by dressing him up like a clown and burying him in the basement. Yep, it's demented. But you can tell this isn't just some vanity thing...dude spent a LOT of time on the editing, and there are quite a few genius shots...plus, Chester doesn't attempt anything he knows he's unable to do, which makes this a REALLY good example of minimalist filmmaking, in my opinion.

'Black Devil Doll from Hell' - 1984

I'm glad I watched this after 'Quadead,' because I would've written off Mr. Turner had I seen his debut flick first. It's definitely not as good as 'Quadead,' but I wouldn't say it's the 'worst horror movie of all time' like a lot of people seem to think. No, it's just as low-budget as his sophomore film...his grasp on filmmaking isn't as good though. If anything, the soundtrack is better...he had some weird dude write an intro song, and somewhere in there is a ballad sung by (I can only assume) Mr. Turner himself...and damn, homeboy can sing! This one is much more 'blaxploitation' than 'Quadead,' and is pretty pornographic...I mean, it's a chick getting raped by an evil doll, basically. Still, it's pretty good, and probably better in a group setting for the sake of riffing on it. Some DVD company should be putting out both of Chester's films by October of this year...til then, they're both free on Youtube.

'Wax or the Discovery of Television Among the Bees' - 1994

I read about this film years ago, then forgot the name and could never find it. Cool factoids: First film translated into code and uploaded to the internet. First indie film edited on a non-linear system. William S. Burroughs makes a guest appearance. NONE of those things make this film any cooler, because you COULDN'T make it any cooler. Featuring a totally non-linear story about a computer programmer getting hypnotized by his bees and trying to reach the land of the dead...or something like that...this is truly one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen. No kidding. The cheesy old-school computer editing makes the whole thing even creepier and weirder, and the fact that this guy apparently dropped off the face of the earth after making this film add to the mystery. Even though it's entirely narrated by the director (one Mr. David Blair) in his deadpan voice, it's totally not boring even for a second. Really. Fucking. Weird. If you like Lynch, Jodorowsky, Cronenberg, etc you NEED to see this. It is just as weird, surreal, and experimental, but in a completely different way. Also...I've not found confirmation, but I'd be willing to bet that the dudes who made that bizarro Adult Swim series 'Xavier: Renegade Angel' loved the shit outta this movie...very similar vibe.

'Th3 Bas3m3nt' - 2009

This is one of those odd things I found on late night public access. Gotta love it when you can't find ANYTHING on the internet about a film. Completely self-made (and funded, I'm sure) by a guy named Chris Penney outta Grand Rapids, MI. The feeling I got watching this was that some soccer mom and her husband made this on their weekends, and that seems fairly accurate. It's like they wanted to make 'The Ring' or something, but didn't really have a proper grasp on what's scary or what's emotional or anything like that. Honestly, I'm not even sure of the plot...it's one of those movies where you have to actually try and figure out what the person was trying to say...not in an artistic way...just in general. I think it's about two families with an eerily similar history or something. Regardless, it's pretty goddamn weird in that 'The Room' kinda way. Definitely a couple 'laugh til ya cry' moments. I'm gonna write Dogbyte Films, who put this thing out, and see if I can't get a copy on DVD.

'Smells Like Community Spirit' - 200?

Another public access find. Dunno why I sat through this...other than it was locally made....I guess it was entertaining and killed a couple hours. Reminded me of those Troma movies where they just try to do a straight comedy, but it's not quite funny or interesting enough. You know the type of films...faceless jam band scores to emphasize the 'goofiness' of the flick. It's about a guy who buys a bowling alley in a small town to 'get away from things,' but then a corporate Walmart-esque store is going to move in and ruin everything, so he joins up with some other local business owners to fight 'em. I can always appreciate that type of message. Some sub-par acting, but whatev. The 'wild card'-type guy wears a shirt for each day of the week, which was funny.

'GR 30K' - 2010

Public access find. Perhaps only interesting if you're from the West Michigan area, this is an apocalyptic vision of Grand Rapids in the year 30,000. Okay. First of all, that's obviously wayyyyyy too far in the future for what happens, but whatever. First thing I could tell is that this dude (Dan Falicki apparently) was really into 'Sin City,' which is okay, since that's one of the more creative flicks that came out in the past 10 years. Or 20 or however long it's been. It's set up like that movie...a few different stories that don't really intersect...some long, some short. Notorious billionaire dickhead Dick DeVos is parodied at great length, which is why I said it might only be interesting to people from this area. It is an enjoyable film in its own right, and especially funny if you've ever been to GR. My only complaint is that it was like 2 and a half hours...wayyyyyyy too long for a homemade movie shot entirely on green screen. Oh well. This Falicki dude is quite a talented filmmaker.

...more to come, as soon as I get through some of these titles on my list...namely 'FART - The Movie' which promises to be quite awful. In the meantime, I'm sure you can find some VHS absurdities over at Bleeding Skull.

Films 7 - October part 3

...aaand the last 11 horror films I'm going to review for October.

'Def By Temptation' - 1990

Some of you may be familiar with this since Troma put it out. That being said, it's NOTHING like a regular Troma movie. I would put this film in a category with stuff like 'Where the Dead Go to Die' and 'The Room'...i.e. 'outsider' cinema. This is obviously the product of one man's imagination. It's very religious, sometimes hard to follow, and homemade-looking. However, it is also very artistic and enjoyable (even if it steals a scene from 'Videodrome'--whatever though, more films NEED shots of dudes getting sucked into TVs.) Also, look for a brief appearance by Samuel L. Jackson!

'Troll' - 1986

Lesser-known than the disasterous 'Troll 2,' but equally awful/awesome. If you don't know, 'Troll 2' does NOT feature any trolls, and was created by a guy who spoke English as a second language and insisted on writing the script IN English. He also hired a bunch of Italians who didn't speak English, then only hired American actors (the film was shot in America). It was released as 'Troll 2' to capitalize on the success (?) of this film, which was already a z-grade picture. What the fuck? Anyhow. This one's about a troll that takes on the form of a little girl and terrorizes her neighbors in an apartment complex, turning their homes into bizarre troll habitats along the way. It's pretty fucking weird, and with the PG-13 rating, totally family friendly--if you're into that sorta thing. Apparently this was also the first film Seinfeld's Julia Louis-Dreyfus was in, too.

'The Immortalizer' - 1989

Upon researching, this seems to be a direct-to-video release. Figures, it was pretty goddamn bad. A mad scientist somehow hides the fact that he's stealing young people and putting rich old peoples' minds inside their heads. He does this with the help of some fucked-up mutants he accidentally created. It might be godawful, but this prime piece of 80's trash still comes recommended if you're a b-movie fan like me.

'Trancers' - 1985

I hold films released by Full Moon to a higher standard than most b-films. Part of that is because I saw 'Puppet Master' at a very young age and thought it was awesome, and part of that is because this film is so damn good. Okay, the plot isn't very strong, some of the acting is questionable, and the whole premise is an obvious attempt to not outstretch their budget (I mean, c'mon...cop from the future goes back to 1985? Why even bother making it a sci-fi film?)....but 'Trancers' ends up being a really artistic piece of low-budget fun. Tim Thomerson is awesome as usual, the special effects are cheap but effective, and I dunno, it's just a good time. I can't recommend this one enough...

'Brain Dead' - 1990

Not to be confused with Peter Jackson's 'Dead Alive' (which is also titled 'Brain Dead' in some countries, and I believe it has that title on the image I posted a few weeks ago), THIS one comes from the mind of Charles Beaumont, one of the original writers for the 'Twilight Zone' series. I didn't realize until looking this up that he died in '67, meaning the script must've been in the vault for a looooonnnnng time. Oh well. Look at the cast of this shit. Bill Paxton AND Bill Pullman. Bud Cort (aka Harold from 'Harold and Maude). Cool, right? When I rented this, everything about it screamed 'b-movie,' from the shitty cover art to the shitty music during the title sequence, to the washed-out 80's look of the whole thing. However, the story here is VERY unusual and the acting (obviously) is top-notch. It's almost like the inclusion of a superb cast and a story by a legendary writer overcame EVERYTHING ELSE about this film. Oh yeah, it's really intentionally funny, too...some great jokes and unusual secondary characters here. Definitely for when you want a horror film that's more heady than the usual fare.

'The Stuff' - 1985

I finally watched this because it was compared to 'Street Trash' and 'Slime City,' but I think that's just because it involves people melting kinda. Not as good as those two, and not nearly as offensive as 'Street Trash,' but this was still a fun piece of 80's trash. I mean, just the idea of people freaking out about a 'new dessert' that's going to 'replace ice cream' but isn't anything like it is so unbelievably stupid. It's like the movie just formed without anybody taking the time to write it. Worth the time if you're stoned/drunk enough.

'Buttcrack' - 1998

Yes, there really is a movie about a guy whose buttcrack turns you into a zombie when you look at it. Yes, it really features Mojo Nixon. Yes, of course, Troma released it. Almost too stupid for its meager hour-and-six-minutes length.

'Dollman' - 1991

It's not really a horror film...more of an action/thriller than anything, but you'll be glad you saw this one. Featuring Tim Thomerson (the lead in 'Trancers' and several other Charles Band productions) as a foot-high cop from another universe named Brick Bardo. It should be noted that, at this point, Full Moon didn't have the budget to properly do a film like this. Thomerson is constantly being put in odd angles in order to make his short stature seem 'realistic.' Whatever, though, this shit rules. There's barely anything going on, but Thomerson is so badass with his so-dumb-it's-smart tough guy schtick. The sequel to this pits him against the evil toys from 'Demonic Toys.' Apparently, all of these films are a sequel to 'Bad Channels,' another fantastic Full Moon feature. I can't remember exactly what it is, but Brick says something really funny to a fat kid in an elevator.

'Ice Cream Man' - 1995

This has long been one of my favorite b-movies. The lead is b-movie king Clint Howard (also Ron Howard's brother? Huh...didn't know that) and it's about an ice cream man that kills kids and then turns them into gross-ass ice cream flavors. Yes, it's VERY stupid. But it's got some great one-liners, and a carnival-esque atmosphere that's not unlike the 'Puppet Master' films. My favorite was when Clint says 'you're ice cream, kid' to a boy he's about to kill.

'Teenage Caveman' - 2002

Although there's a 50's movie with the same title, this is only very loosely based on it. From the sick mind of Larry Clark (the guy who found a 17-year-old Harmony Korine skateboarding and hired him to write his film 'Kids.'...also the guy who stole Korine's ideas for later films and did his own sleazy fuckery along the way...'Bully,' 'Wassup Rockers') comes the post-apocalyptic story of a tribe of 'cavemen' whose leader likes to be the only dude havin' any sex at all. Some of his tribe figure out that they're not really cavemen, but the remnants of modern man, who was killed off in a nuclear blast. They escape and go into the city and find some goth weirdos who make them do drugs and listen to the Misfits. Then they start exploding. No joke, that's about it. The acting is awful (as with most of Clark's films) and it's about one step away from being a porno, but that's the magic of Larry Clark. You get the feeling he's closer to the characters in his films than a 'trash' film maker like Andy Warhol or something.

'Dead Dudes in the House' - 1991

Finally, one last Troma masterpiece. Although not directed by Lloyd Kaufman, I guess this is a pretty highly-regarded flick from the Troma catalog. It's also a great instance of their tendency to exploit their own filmmakers, marketing the films however they want in order to get the most viewers. In this case, it's marketed as a 'fresh, hip-hop comedy horror.' There is NO rap music ANYWHERE in the film, and the characters are more like annoying guidos than anything. Regardless, the dialog is stupid-funny in the same way as 'Redneck Zombies' and you don't like any of the characters, so it's fun to watch 'em die. I was worried the plot would wear thin and the middle would drag too much for this to be enjoyable. I was wrong, the movie definitely plays on its strengths. Check it for sure if you can find it.




Alright, that's 31 horror movies reviewed for the month of October. I'm sure I'll watch some more before the end of the month (lots of these I haven't seen in years) and maybe they'll show up here.

Also, I tried to keep this list on the 'underground.' I figure most people who find this blog have seen the more well-known stuff I could recommend, but just in case you haven't, PLEASE watch these films:

-ALL David Cronenberg, especially 'The Fly' and 'Scanners.'
-ALL John Carpenter, specifically 'The Thing' and 'Prince of Darkness.'
-'Carnival of Souls'
-SOME Troma flicks. Namely the original 'Toxic Avenger' and 'Poultrygeist.'
-'Rosemary's Baby'
-'IT'
-'Evil Dead 2'
-The first 2 original 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' films.
-'Hellraiser' 1 and 2.
-Fucking 'Eraserhead.' I hope you've seen this.