Saturday, June 22, 2013

Films 11 - more weirdness for summer

Been diggin' in the archives again for some odd flicks....found plenty of 'em. If you need some drunk flixxx for summertime, look no further. I'm puttin' up links again, so you don't have to even hunt 'em out.

'Samurai Cop' - 1989
This is it. This is the ULTIMATE bad movie. Forget your 'Room' or your 'Plan 9' or even your 'Troll 2.' This takes the cake. What's more, it's kind of like a weird amalgam of all those films. The acting is awful, the dialog is terrible to the point of being bizarre, the storyline is more convoluted than a head shop employee's urine, and it's pure fucking 80's. Basically, you've got a cop who's been brought in to fight some gangsters. He's the best of the best, and he's also a Samurai warrior who 'speaks fluent Japanese.' However, he doesn't really do any police work and spends most of his time getting laid while his 'friends' get shot, stabbed, and burned. He's STILL supposed to be the hero despite this, and despite his awful dialog which makes him sound like a total asshole. Throw in a complete lack of understanding of Japanese culture, and a writer/director who probably doesn't speak English too well, and you've got a classic film. I also read somewhere that Iranian filmmaker Amir Shervan would often neglect to get permits, and one time was arrested for going 100 in a residential area with a rented stunt cop car. Upon being arrested, he threatened to  burn the police officers' houses down and kill their families. Yeah. See this at ONCE. Dude's got two other English flicks, and they both sound promising.

'For Y'ur Height Only' - 1981
I posted this a week or so ago, but for the record, it's a Filipino parody of the James Bond flicks starring a midget named Weng Weng as 'Agent 00.' The only thing is, it's not all that funny....sure, it's got some jokes, but no more than a regular Bond film. It's more like a straight tribute to Bond with a midget instead. Okay....That being said, I liked it a lot more than most 80's Bond flicks I've seen, and it was totally entertaining. Not badly made, either, just unusual. The Filipino people apparently aren't too proud of this film, as it was the ONLY thing that drew any attention from a Filipino film festival organized by the First Lady.

'Scalps' - 1983
I can't do much better than this review from RateYourMusic user Cinematery:

"This is one of those movies that is so bad that it transcends all preconceived notions of what good and bad is to deliver a truly surreal experience. And it's been a favorite of mine for a long time. To put it frankly, "Scalps" is amazing. An ancient demon runs around in blue jeans and tennis shoes (before anyone is possessed). Superimposed monster masks appear out of thin air and spout mumbo jumbo. A mysterious cat/man creature appears at random times and is never explained. It's pitch black night and broad daylight in the same scenes. The music is often eerie and oddly hypnotic, but very strange in some ways I can't quite put my finger on. Most of the kills are shown immediately at the beginning for no reason at all. There are long stretches where nothing happens, yet they somehow feel like those dreams you have that are nightmares in tone, despite nothing too nightmarish really happening. Of course, there are other scenes where plenty happens: rape, splattery deaths, and whatnot. This movie has one of the most hysterical (yet realistic-looking) decapitations I've ever seen. In summation, unless you're put to sleep by it and hate bad movies on principle, "Scalps" has quite a bit to offer for the trash connosseiur or even the good-humored surrealist."

'Miami Connection' - 1986
Another film that, while not quite as entertaining as 'Samurai Cop,' is pure undiluted 80's entertainment. This is like 'Karate Kid,' 'Miami Vice,' and some shitty afterschool special all rolled into one. According to my friend, it was also the basis for a pretty good video game. So,'ve got your good and evil gangs. The good gang is pretty puke...they're an awful synth-rock band who does Tae-Kwon-Do and is more fucking ethnically diverse than the Magic School Bus. The bad gang is pretty lame too, but you still don't mind seeing them kick the synth kids' asses. Also, there's a third gang, kind of...ANOTHER synth rock group who writes shitty 'bad guy' songs about cocaine, and get their gig at a bar stolen by the good guys. They're pretty much pissed at everybody. Apparently, the director/actor (you KNOW it's gonna be fucked when you see that...) did this film, and nothing else ever. Good deal. It's also currently on Netflix, if you swing that way.

...more to come...

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